As an adult with a lot of family members, Christmas over the past few years has become more about spending time together and less about giving presents to each other. I don't think it's particularly realistic for everyone in my family to buy everyone else a gift. That's a lot of gifts. At a certain point, I was buying 14 or 15 gifts for everyone in my family, and that was before we had bought anything for my husband's family members. Now that I look back and think about this, especially knowing that I was a grad student, surviving on my grad stipend and student loans, I shake my head. If there was ever a time I couldn't realistically afford it...
But, I think that I was caught up in the family tradition of giving gifts. And somehow I think there was a leftover expectation that my parents would continue to buy us gifts as adults, like they did when we were kids. It took a few years after moving out of my parents' house to figure it out, but I eventually did clue in that, although my family members love me completely, there should be no expectation that they would buy me gifts. Not that I was really spoiled or demanding about gifts. It was just what happened, like all of our other family Christmas traditions.
I don't think that I spend money extravagantly, but I also have the ability to buy a lot of the things that I'd like throughout the year. My husband and I talk a lot about money, especially if we're going to be buying a bigger item (as I type this on our newish Macbook Pro - it's not that we never spend money). I just don't really need anything and don't like the idea that someone has to get me something, just because. Because of what? I love spending time with my family, including my parents, siblings and their spouses and kids. It sounds totally corny, but I would rather spend time with these people than get a gift.
My family gradually shifted from buying everyone gifts, to drawing a couple of names out of a hat and buying for those people, to now, when we don't really exchange gifts. This year we got everyone in our family a treat of some sort - a chocolate bar, a bottle of beer (there are a lot of connoisseurs in my family), etc. Now, everyone gets a small treat in their stocking, but it's also not a lot of 'stuff'. I already have a hard time keeping my house clean with all the stuff that I have.
Having said all of this, I think back to when I was a kid on Christmas morning. The excitement! What did Santa bring me? And, although I've come to realize that as an adult I don't particularly want anything, I've been thinking a lot about being a kid and the joy that comes with Christmas. It is exciting to see the Christmas tree with a couple of presents under it, and to wake up the next morning and see that Santa had come. I thought long and hard about it this year, especially now that my oldest kid is remembering things and is so interactive. I feel like this is the time when we're starting to set the tone for what Christmas is going to be like for our family.
So, with all of this in mind, my husband and I decided to buy our daughter a scooter this year, and I bought an I See Me book for our son. The scooter is called a Mini Kick, and is the same kind (but different colour) that one of M's friends has. It's nice because I've seen her ride it and can tell that she'll master it within a week. The book I bought for T is a similar book to one I bought for M for her first Christmas. It's a pirate-themed book which spells out the letters of his name, and has different qualities for each of the different letters. It's very, very cute.
And that's it. I thought about buying all sorts of little presents for the kids, but we decided to stick with one present for each. This could change when they're a little older, but I certainly don't think that I need to go all-out for Christmas. It seems that it would be harder to go backwards and scale back on the number of presents that you buy them. So, we bought them each a special gift that I know that they'll each use for the next few years (in the case of the scooter, before she outgrows it) or perhaps keep it into adulthood (in the case of the book).
I've had a few moments of reconsidering, especially hearing other parents talk about the many gifts they've bought for their children (no judgement intended, everyone should make their own decisions). But, I like what we've decided, and I like how the presents reflect values that I'd like for my family - getting outside and being active with the scooter, and sitting and reading a special book together.
Well, that was much longer than I intended. Happy holidays to all!
I also actually finished some handmade gifts for some of our friends' kids, which I'll post about another day. Hurray for actually finishing on time!
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